Friday, June 14, 2013

I saw a donut in the sky today...

Ok, it wasn't a donut.  But it was a donut-shaped cloud - which in turn made me think of a donut.  What is it with the donuts people?!?  Seriously ughhhhh.

So we'll call that the lighter side of this post, now on to the heavy.

Weight loss, getting fit, getting healthy, getting in shape, etc. - whatever we label it, why do I do it?  I mean REALLY why?  I think if I figure out what is truly motivating the change, then I'll be able to not only achieve it, but ultimately maintain it.  This "thing" that motivates me, it has to be strong, something very powerful, something so vital that all the temptations in the world won't sway me from my goals.

What is it?  To live longer?  To feel better?  To be able to do things I can't right now?  Sure.  Yes, all those things.  But what about... To be attractive?  To be desirable?  I think getting closer...

You see, if someone, anyone, were to tell me that I'm attractive, or beautiful, or pretty right now - I wouldn't believe them.  I know I need to get past that, but there it is.

I want to lose all this weight so that someone might be attracted to me.  One might say that if that's all they care about then they don't deserve me in the first place.  Well, true.  But if they aren't attracted to me, why would they even talk to me in the first place?  It's like the chicken and the egg, right?

Here's the thing - if I were still in my 20s, I'd agree that a relationship doesn't have to start with attraction.  But now, in my 40s?  It's gotta start somewhere and the attraction thing sounds like just the place, ya know?  It may sound superficial, but again, there it is.  I feel like if I don't lose this weight, I'm going to end up a very alone, old, bitter woman and that just doesn't sound like a life I want for myself.  I. will. lose. this. weight.

Well folks, sorry for the downer - just keepin' it real.

Anyway, on to the actual fitness stuff.  While I didn't meet a few of my goals this week, I feel good about the progress.  I can only do so much with what I have to work with - I couldn't control being busy at work, but I did eat well.  I could have had more water, but I did walk quite a bit.  So, I don't know what the scale will say, especially with TOM stopping by soon, but whatever it is, I've made progress.

Have a great weekend and I'll share the Saturday weigh-in on Monday!

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